Frontline Flea

I’m just a little flea,
I don’t mean you no harm.
I always snuggle up
where it’s nice and warm.

I like a drop of blood,
every now and then.
Sometimes I drink too much
and go to sleep again.

I’m sorry if it itches
and causes you distress,
but if I don’t drink blood,
I’m really in a mess.

So please, treat me kindly
whatever else you do,
you always make more blood
so what is wrong you’?

When I'm eighty four

There’s an old bloke in my mirror
Staring back at me.
He mimics everything I do
he’s got me to a ‘T’.

I know I look much younger,
I see this in my head.
But when I pass a mirror,
Well it’s just like what I’ve said.

Of course I’ve tried all sorts of tricks
But he remains nonplussed.
As for breaking every mirror
well I really can’t be fussed,

So I told him quite politely
whilst showing him the door.
‘run along now please old chap
Come back when I’m eighty four.'

I think I’ll write a poem
about a little bird
so when it’s read out loud
it’s the best you ever heard.

I think I’ll write it quick
'cos I reckon now't of slow
and by the time it’s finished
on you it’s sure to grow.

The little bird will fly
yes, flit from bough to bough
singing the sweetest song
and warbling, yes and how!

It will bless the hearts of those
who take the time to stop
to listen to the tune
and maybe, when they shop

They’ll buy some wild bird seed
and give it such a treat
As if a `thank you` note
to make the job complete!

Thanks to Hannah Showler for editing suggestions

Odd Shoes

Ah gus daun tut butchers
t buy mi sum meat,
n when a gits theer
ah meets up wi owed Pete.

ah ses ‘ay up owd flower
ars ta gooin on?'
he ses ‘or reet owd luv,
ahm feelin reet strong.’

an ee gis mi a shuv,
a prope un reet.
as if wiart it
his life want complete.

an he started ter laugh
‘n’ guffaw ‘n’ roar,
‘n’ staring down like,
he gestured at floor.

Well ar can tell thi
Ah wha reet tekken aback.
Ah begun weighing up
Wether ter gi im a smack.

‘n’ utter expletives,
ah ornt ter repeat.
hi ses, ‘as thar seen thissen
thars odd shoes on thi feet.’

well ah can tell thi
ah wha proper put ahrt.
ivry one wah lookin,
ter see what it’s abart.

then a stroke of genius,
it ‘it mi in a flash.
'ave odd shoas on mi feet' ah ses,
'so as mi socks doant clash.'

I haven't seen it for myself
but I'm assured it's there
and every time I think of it
I wonder if I dare
float over in a barrel
I think someone once did
I wonder if perhaps I could
make a world record bid

The Glass Onion

Two Rabbits were talking in their burrow one night,

“Did you see the glass onion”? “I did what a sight,
much worse than that scarecrow of old farmer Jones
I tell you what’s more, it shivered my bones.”

“What’s that”? Came a cry of despair from atop,
“More frightening then me”? “This, I’ll have to stop.”
Then there was silence and a pitiful cough ,
with shouting so loud his nose had dropped off.

“I say” said an Hedgehog, trundling along.
"What a wonderful carrot to sweeten my song”
“No singing here” said a mole with voice deep,
The dormouse said nothing cos she was asleep.

Just then dawn broke and a chorus began ,
“Oh no!” wailed the mole as he swiftly ran,
disappearing from view, quick as he could,
the chorus continued and deep in the wood,

the Blacbirds sang in unison sweet,
with gusto, the day to properly greet.
The foxes, who tired from their nightly forage
heard Farmer Jones wife sing,
as she cooked the porridge.

“Tra laa troll trallee, tra laa troll tralloo”,
A song so sweet as the clear morning dew.
The Sun bursting forth with a song of his own
bid good day to the moon, who had started to moan.

“Is it that time already”? “Oh how can it be”?
And Farmer Jones wife poured another cup of tea.
“The cows will need milking,” a pigeon sweetly cood
"Mind your own business” said a frog, “you are rude.”

“What do you know” croaked a voice “well I’ll be blowed,
just you remember you’re a frog not a toad.”
“Do be quiet” said the cart horse with a flick of his head ,
“I’m sure it’s too early to get out of bed”

And so it continued like it does every day ,
with creatures all over having there say.
The Glass Onion? Well of course it’s still there,
people come for miles the phenominum to share .

Farmer Jones allows sightseers onto his land
and can now take a holiday down on the sand .
With bucket and spade he sits in the sun,
all due of course to a glass On-i-on.

Duck Surprise

Two ducks were messing about on a lake.
‘I say, Esmeralda, how long would it take,
to fly to London, to pay some respect
to Queen Elizabeth? We should not neglect.’

‘Well’ said his friend ‘In my estimation,
it’s much quicker to go down to the station
to catch an express train and in a brace
we’d be talking with Queenie at the Palace.’

Up spoke a fine swan who’d been gliding by,
‘It’s a race if you like, for all who can fly,’
‘Can I come too?’ said a large bumble bee,
‘Say what!’ said a gull, ’that’s a new one on me.’

So they set off on a Southerly course,
promptly at three, plus a galloping black horse,
neighing ‘Wait for me, I’ll not miss the fun,
I know I can’t fly but just watch me run.'

After a while, London came into sight,
but the horse then collapsed overcome with fright,
the cry went out 'Palace under attack,'
‘Onward,’ cried the swan, ‘there’ll be no turning back.’

Artillery shots, lit up the sky,
thus threatening the lives of all who could fly.
Landing nearby, they couldn’t leave a friend,
though nobody saw the Queen what a sad end.

Save one white swan, flying ever so slow,
the swan hss the Queens protection you know.
On the Royal lake gracefully gliding,
Whilst the rest, on the horse, northward are riding